Make It a Rule: A Quick Guide to a Balanced Life

If you seek tranquility, do less.

-Marcus Aurelius-

There is a balance in life that we all must realize. A little stress is necessary when pursuing something we care about (art, a career, a family, etc.). There is stress because we care. This stress is one of the motivating factors in our success. Sometimes, we feel a light amount of stress; other times, it will be a little more intense (looking at you finals week). In the end, though, this healthy amount of stress is necessary.

We balance this stress level with the idea that we are our best selves when we have tranquility in what we do. This idea is central to the fact that an overwhelmed mind will not create the best work. This belief is at the heart of the above quote from the Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius (121-180 A.D.). And so, finding that balance between a healthy level of stress and tranquility is imperative in our lives, and this comes down to our control of our time.

One of my favorite authors I have written about before, Ryan Holiday, has mentioned in his podcasts and interviews that his definition of wealth and power is how much you control your own time. This definition is one of the healthiest I have encountered when discussing wealth and success because, ultimately, all the money and power in the world mean nothing if you are not in control of your calendar. 

This realization leads us to a question - how do we create this balanced life? It makes me think of my family growing up. When choosing what my brother and I would pursue as activities, my dad had a rule - no more than two activities at a time. At the time, I did not understand this rule. But, even as early as my sophomore year in college, I realized the wisdom in this simple rule. No matter what, you will have a major commitment in the form of a job or school that takes up a significant part of your life - that time is already claimed. Then, we have our social relationships through our families and friends. These relationships are necessary for our well-being and mental health, and so that time is also claimed. But what about the rest of our time? In this time, the wisdom is to preserve that time to maintain a healthy balance. Hence, up to two activities at a time.

The Rule of Two Activities

While I was in high school, I had three main activities I enjoyed pursuing - music, Boy Scouts, and cross-country running. These were not hobbies but activities that utilized significant brain power to follow and that I treated as commitments. Music was all year long - there was no off-season in music. That was always on my plate. Then came cross country, which was a Fall activity. This balancing meant that, from the beginning of school until early October, I did not participate in my Boy Scout troop. In the Winter, Spring, and Summer, I could pick Boy Scouts back up and pursue that. This rule allowed me to pursue these activities to a high level while maintaining my school work and friendships.

As I mentioned, the wisdom of this rule only occurred to me when I was a sophomore in college. As a first- and second-year student, I was often overwhelmed with everything I needed to do. It is hard to explain how busy you are as a performing arts major. One would think that this would be a fun degree, but the demands on your time and brain are incredible. There was one semester where, on Mondays, I had solid classes with no break from 8 A.M. to 8 P.M., at which point I would spring up the hill on campus to attend the campus radio staff meeting until 10 P.M. as I was a D.J. at the time. During this time, I sat down and reflected on who I was and what I wanted my life to look like. I made a list of everything I wanted to do with my time, including four or five activities outside of school and friends, and decided it was time to return to only two activities. From that point forward, my time became more manageable, and my academic growth, social life, and activities began to take off.

This concept relates to a book I wrote about in October, David Epstein's Range. As a recap, Range argued for the importance of a broad number of experiences over specialization. This rule relates to the work of Epstein as the depth at which we pursue an experience determines its quality. If we are constantly bouncing from one activity to another with no free time to process what we experienced or to pursue an activity to a high level, then the activity does not benefit us. 

You have most likely met someone in your own life who does so much that you have thought If only this person could cut a couple of things out of their schedule, they could be amazing at X. I think back to a student I had my first teaching high school who would do her homework in my office during her off periods. In the spring, she participated in three high-level activities and spent most days overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. I remember turning to her and saying, "You need to cut something out of your life - you are doing too much. And, if it is band, I'll be sad to see you go, but I will also know it is the best thing for you." While that was the last year she did band, she would still talk to me until she graduated, and every time I saw her after that point, she had a lightness about her that could only come from living a balanced life. And the activities she chose to pursue? She did them both to such a high level that they paid for her college through scholarships.

I advocate for this: balance your life between healthy stress and tranquility by selecting two activities to dedicate yourself to at a high level. This intersection is where healthy growth occurs. If we do too little, we will grow slowly, if we even grow at all. If we do too much, we will overwhelm our minds and not grow, but we will convince ourselves that we are by equating achievement with growth (they are not the same thing). If you are a student (or a parent trying to help out your child), try out this rule of two. You may be surprised at how much better you feel and how much faster you grow.

Ready to learn how you can use insight into your personality and values to improve your life? Reach out today, and we will get started moving you from overwhelm and uncertainty to clarity and direction.

With love,

Tom Chapman, TruePath Discovery Coaching