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Writer's pictureThomas Chapman
Aug 10, 20232 min read

What Do I Do If I Don’t Know Who I Really Am?

Updated: Aug 5

“What do I do if I don’t know who I really am?”


It seems many of us struggle with this basic question. And it is so essential to everything we do in our lives. Discovering who we are and what our why is that guides us is at the core of major decisions, from academic to major career moves.


In 2009, author Simon Sinek released a book titled “Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.” Although it may sound like a business and leadership book, its essence goes beyond that. Starting with our Why is the key to understanding our path in life. When we have a clear Why, it directs us to the How and the What in our lives. Have you ever found yourself doing something without knowing why, struggling through the process, and hoping you'll figure out the purpose along the way? It's a common frustration many of us experience. This is what makes starting with our Why so powerful. With a definite Why we have our compass to guide us along every path. Our Why helps us make decisions. Our Why gives us direction. Our Why is what others look to us for, even when we don't see ourselves as leaders.


Now, you might wonder, how do I discover my Why? Some individuals seem to have it all figured out effortlessly. But for most of us, it requires some exploration. Simon Sinek's books can be valuable resources for readers (links included below). However, if you're looking for a simple method to start right away, Simon offers an amazing exploration tool.


In an interview with 20VC, Simon is asked by Harry “What do I do if I don’t know who I really am?” The answer Simon gives is an amazing exploration tool! “Talk to your friends.” I’ll include the pertinent link below, but essentially you go to your best friend, the person who freely chooses to be around you, and you ask them the basic question, “Why are we friends?” Then probe deeper and deeper, asking what specifically until they finally give you the reason. I encourage you to watch this short clip below for the full process.



I did this simple exercise with a close friend just a few weeks ago. The answer came as an “Ah-ha” for me, as if I had always known but it took someone I trusted to articulate it. From there I had a renewed sense of direction. I had a “Why” to aim for. And from there came the how and the what.


Embark on the journey of self-discovery and uncover your clarifying Why! Best of luck on this transformative path!


Are you looking for some help and guidance on this path? Need help discovering your why? Reach out today, and we will get started moving you from overwhelm and uncertainty to clarity and direction.


Tom Chapman, TruePath Discovery Coaching



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